Problems with my life

Every morning I wake up before the sun rises and after the initial struggle to free myself from the clutches of that half-slumber state, as I climb from my bed I say to myself, “Ah yess. Today is the day I’m gona be better.” I’m gona do better and be that better person with a better life that I always intended on being. My mind becomes flooded with innovative ideas and all the ways that I can become this other better person. However, by the time I’ve had my hour drive to work, there I go again back into the old habits of my boring, monotonous, mundane life. I sit here thinking about all the things wrong with me and why it’s so hard to accomplish the things I want. This is what I came up with:

1. Procrastination

I could do it now…. but I really just want to sit here on WordPress reading all these wonderful posts. Then I could go on pinterest and spend almost an hour pinning projects that I’ll never do. Then I’ll check my email and go on youtube and get carried away. I’ll just do the thing tomorrow.

2. I’m a lazy person.

Making a change is just too much darn work. Maybe if I go on Pinterest I’ll find some ways to do the thing faster and easier.

3. I’m afraid of change.

Even though I say that I’m not. The thing is, when you’re in your comfort zone, crawling out of that can be the hardest thing you do. Yes you can find yourself somewhere a whole lot better, but it can also be a whole  lot worse. Why take that risk??

4. I need something to beat myself up about.

That angst ridden 90s teen still lives inside of me. Being angry with the world for the things that I can’t have and couldn’t achieve seems like a reasonable outlet. What else is there to blame? The world is unfair and this is my life.

As I publish this post, I’ll go back to work… the boring monotonous lake of life that I’m slowly drowning myself in. And this little burst of inspiration, the ache of desire to be a better person, it will fade away….

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Inspired by a battery

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Why is it that we’re always too busy with life to really enjoy life?

This morning I woke up at the crack of dawn as I do every day, about to tackle the new day and the new week but with a surprising lack of vigour for my usual Monday. After a long tiring weekend of chores and errands (damn my mundane life), waking up to a dismal rainy morning with foreboding thoughts of work  is enough to turn anyone into a lazy Susan. So after an extremely slow start, I had to kick it into a higher gear as I discovered that time was slipping away on me and I would be late. Went to the garage only to discover that my car would not start. The battery was dead….

Why does it always seem like the bad days get worse and the hard mornings get harder?? It’s exactly as Alanis said.

So I called my dad for him to come over and give me a jump start which would allow me to go out and get a  new battery. By this time I’d already given up on the day and called in sick at work. This day was about to get much worse. Perverse thoughts of waiting forever at the electrician in the pouring rain and seeming like a bumbling idiot to the cute repair guy filled my mind.

However, a few short minutes later, my angel of a father showed up, battery in hand, and in the time it took for me to make him a cup of his favourite cold chocolate drink, he had already checked the old battery and swapped it out for the new one. God bless that man!

Then I thought, I’ve already called in sick. Why waste a perfectly good day. So I pulled off my work clothes in exchange for pjs, washed all the make-up off my face and jumped back into bed with my laptop and a hot cup of chocolate as the sky opened up and the rain came pouring down. That is what it took for me to get here and start writing again.

It has taken me about 5 minutes thus far to gather my thoughts and write what I have down so far and it will probably take even less time to finish, re-read and post. Is 10 minutes really that much to take out of my day to put my thoughts down? Surely I had 10 minutes during the last weekend to release the rumblings of my mind onto the keyboard. Or the weekend before that?

I think we get too caught up in our day to day routines to sit back, relax and indulge in the little things that make us happy. Enjoying the rain, writing a blog, finishing that grow-box, building that bottle chime (pinterest gets the better of me). Maybe today is the day I embrace these finer things in life once again. Or maybe I’ll do as the human race does and be momentarily inspired only to fall back into the clutches of a routined mundane life. Who knows. If you see more posts from me soon,… 🙂

 

We wait, starving for moments of high magic to inspire us, but life is full of common enchantment waiting for our alchemist’s eyes to notice.” ~ Jacob Nordby

From what do I fast (and fail at) this Lent

I can never understand what is our obsession with making promises to ourselves that we know we are never going to keep. New year resolutions, birthday promises and Lenten fasts. Most of us are amazingly weak-willed creatures who give up before the start.

Lent is the period between Ash Wednesday (which is today) to Easter Sunday. I think it’s supposed to be 40 days excluding Sundays. Being Christian, the masses expect that I will be giving up something that is dear to me in hopes that I will become a better person.

My friend Stef usually gives up meat, the most common among the fasting options. And surprisingly enough, he usually goes through the entire period with a steel determination and stellar will-power. What happens in the succeeding weeks is a completely different story. I have never seen someone gorge themselves as if to make up for years of abstinence as he does. So I ask, what’s the point??

My sister is making her attempt yet again at fasting from meat; last year she made exactly one week. I bet her a large Wendy’s pulled pork burger combo for lasting two weeks this year.

The cannibal in me knows better than to make such unrealistic promises to myself. I would rather starve than go 2 meals without animal flesh on my plate! (I would love for you to think that that was an exaggerated joke but as I am making an attempt at not lying to myself…)

In the spirit of the season, I long to join the multitudes in making a ridiculous promise to myself, but why not set a slightly more attainable goal and one which could actually be of benefit in my life. If I must conform in giving up something in the hopes of becoming a better person, why not give up something that will actually make me a better person??

So my enemy for the month…. SODA!

I hereby vow to abstain from all forms of carbonated goodness and alcohol!! for the duration of this Lenten season 2015.

There will be no more Cokes and heavenly ginger ales. This month the vending machine at work will not run out of Mountain Dews and may receive some sales of juice. And maybe I’ll reach that target of water that the hidden healthy version of me has been fighting so hard to attain. My plan for my friends and those after-work drinks have yet to be figured out.

All you fasters out there, what will you give up this Lent? And how long do you think I will last? I’m taking bets 🙂

Food for thought– What’s on your walls?

Yesterday I read a very interesting post by a fellow blogger entitled “What do you have on your walls??”, which got me thinking about my walls and my pictures. The link to the post is below and I think it’s definitely worth a read.

https://theonlysup.wordpress.com/2015/02/16/what-do-you-have-on-your-walls/

I think everyone needs to pause for a moment and think about what is on their walls. Not just your walls, but in your room, homes, office and other personal spaces. Do you have pictures of your family or the people that mean the most to you? Do you have certificates and awards to remind you of your accomplishments? Do you have quotes or pictures to inspire you?

When I was in University, my apartment walls proudly displayed my own crayon printed posters (done on notebook pages of course!) of pictures and sayings that I hoped would motivate me. Over my desk “You must get an A in Genetics!”. Beside my bed, “Wake your lazy ass up and study Microbio!”.

My bedroom back here at home has now matured as I have (hopefully!) showing evidence of my family, my best friends and always with the personal  motivation. That personal motivation comes in the form of an inspiration wall which is really a board containing a collage of quotations and pictures that remind me it’s a good life, never give up, be the best person that I can be and to keep fighting the good life.

I thought that I would share some of these pictures on my wall along with some others that I love with you, in hopes that you would be inspired!

So what’s on your walls??

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In the spirit of togetherness

Trinidad Carnival, Queens Park Savannah, Port of Spain, Trinidad & Tobago

Where I come from Christmas is not the most popular holiday (although it’s definitely my favourite! Hello! Christmas trees and hot cocoa and presents??). We don’t really celebrate Thanksgiving. Our ethnicity is predominately Hindus, Muslims and Christians, in that order. And that being said, Divali and Eid does not begin to compare to the holiday being celebrated today.

This week we celebrate CARNIVAL!!!

In Trinidad, Carnival is what we live for; it’s what most people go through the entire year waiting for. We live from Carnival to Carnival. Whoever does not know about Trinidad Carnival should stop reading this post right now and go look it up! Festivities start immediately after Christmas and continue for the months leading up to Carnival. There are fetes every weekend and the buildup to Monday and Tuesday. And trust me, we Trinis love a good fete.

After the Carnival season, we go through Carnival tabanca until the next year, playing soca and reminiscing. For those of you who don’t know, today is Carnival Monday and tomorrow is Carnival Tuesday, which are the highlights of the season. The road is what we wait for. We need to hit the road on this glorious Monday! The picture above is what today’s all about. And let me put this out right now! My vote for Road March is Kes!

The thing with Trinidad is that even though we are a multi-ethnic society with a rich culture, the racism is ridiculous. It’s beyond my understanding why we are so ready to spread hate to our fellow Trini brothers and sisters because they do not share the same skin colour as us, they do not share the same views as us or the other non-excuse excuses we come up with. However, this all changes during Carnival. During Carnival, all issues are forgotten, the only issue being which band do we play mas with and which fete do we go to. Who we take a drink with or a dance with is inconsequential. As long as there is bumper there will be wine! We party as one and we feel what unity is.

From Ash Wednesday its back to life as usual.

Small Island Girl With Big Dreams

“She was like a drowning person, flailing, reaching for anything that might save her. Her life was an urgent, desperate struggle to justify her life.”

Jonathan Safran Foer, Everything Is Illuminated

Growing up on a small Caribbean island can be hard, especially with the mass broadcast of pop culture available on the media today. Having this exposure could be both a blessing and curse for the impressionable youth in such a society. Needless to say, I felt like I had been one of those impressionable youths. This is my story… Continue reading Small Island Girl With Big Dreams